So I found a self-tanner that is actually, you know, tanning my legs. It is ridiculous how many times I've shelled out cash for tanners that did nothing.  Except this one covers my legs in glitter.  I think the dream is that we'll look like swimsuit models – our bronze skin glowing in the sunlight, vibrant with the health of a tan. But really, it just looks like glitter, like I went a little nuts with the Bonne Bell body shimmer, after re-reading Twilight and texting my bestie about how I sooooo wanted an Edward of my very own. Which would be fine if I was 16 and headed to the mall. Not 40, waiting at the carwash for my car to be done, observing how many people can see my legs from a million miles away. My skin glittering with the brilliance of icy glaciers, blah blah blah. But, you know, approaching a tan.

Don't think I'm bringing this stuff to BlogHer.               – wg