A strange phenomenon is happening as I get older… I’m becoming a bag lady. Well, in truth, I’ve always been a bag lady. I was condemned to walk this path from the time my virgin hands clutched that first purse. Red, it was, spaghetti strap handle, barely big enough to hold an iced cherry chapstick, my allowance, and a compact with the entirely wrong shade of powder (ah, 80s makeup jaw line, I remember you well!). That purse went with me everywhere.

So it’s not really a surprise, is it, that that purse was eventually replaced with another. And then another, into a long succession of can’t-live-withouts.

Here’s the thing… I’ve always considered myself a compact sort of girl. I like small silverware, small chairs, small cars, and above all small purses. You carry too big of a purse and you’re just bound to carry a bunch of crap you don’t need. (And being slightly packrat-ish I needed to fight that at all costs.) Plus, I’m a petite woman and a huge purse just makes me look like I’m gonna fall over.

So, you know, when the ginormous purses came out as the “it” bag I wasn’t having none of it. Anything that was “go anywhere satchel”-sized was just too damn big. Purses big enough to carry a portfolio in, or a few dozen groceries, were completely out of the picture. If I needed to carry my computer, I took along a computer bag… and my small purse. If I needed a diaper bag, I took along a diaper bag… and my small purse.

But something definitely changed along the path. I didn’t happen right after the baby, it was more insidious than that. I had noticed that my purses had gotten slightly larger over the years, oh very slightly, since that first bright red bag. Which is natural considering eventually I had more than five bucks to spend, and learned how to put on more makeup than chapstick. I really starting seeing a difference right around when Chance turned two…

I got really sick of carrying around two bags.

Slowly but surely, I started using totes to consolidate all my goodies. (Totes are the gateway purse, you know.) I didn’t need quite as many supplies for Chance but I still needed some. Then, the next purse I bought was a little bigger, just because all those pictures were stretching my wallet out a bit. Then the next purse (yes, I have a collection)… well you can see where this is going.

For Christmas Keen bought me this kick-ass Marc Jacobs bag. I LOVE it! (I didn’t even ask for a purse this year. He is just an extra special man.) And it’s pretty much the biggest purse I’ve ever owned. (Which still, compared to all the “it” bags, isn’t even all that big.) But I had some trepidation – given the small woman weighted down against hurricanes look. Except…

It fits ALL my stuff! (Oh yeah, baby just like that.) I’ve pretty much been carrying that purse alone everywhere. I even mentioned to Keen that I’d love one in the same size in black.

So that’s it… I’m definitely on a downward slope. I’ll be that old lady who needs a shopping cart to push her purse around, I just know it. With blue hair and a million sweaters. (Nah, I’ll go for peach hair. Rock on Dame Edna!)

Don’t worry, I’ve made peace with the situation. However, promise if I start carrying around small pets, somebody will slap me.
               – wg

Stay tuned for improv stuff coming soon! Courtesy of the wild imaginings of ShutterBitch.