“Brains! Brains! Annnnnnnd….. they’re gone.”

“Whew! I needed a break. I’m still trying to digest that last batch. Is it just me or are they getting easier to catch?”

“Nah, definitely easier; even doing the stiff-leg shtick . Can’t complain, though!”

“You said it. Far cry from waiting for teenagers to make out in the graveyard, huh… Whoa DUDE!


“Oh my god! You totally have brains all over your cheek! No, no, don’t touch it!”

“Why not? Fuck man, you scared the crap out of me!”

“That totally looks like Abe Lincoln’s head! I gotta take a picture.”

“Shut up!”

“No really! Here, take a look.”

“Oh shit…” [both start laughing] “…you’ve got to post that one! That’s crazy!”

“Seriously. Talk about history repeating itself. Poor Abraham just can’t get a break.”

“Maybe you could photoshop in a bullet.” [both laugh harder]

“Wait… was he shot in the head?”

“Ummm… no, but he was shot. It’ll still be hilarious.”


“Abe’s Brains!”

“Hungry Abe!”

[both fall silent gradually]

“OK… enough of this shit. I guess we should get back to work.”

“Yeah. Hey, where you headed after this?”

“Down to New Orleans. They believe in all that voodoo stuff, you know, so it’s not just seasonal pickin’s… it’s like all year! And the nightlife is just hopping. How about you?”

“I think I’m going to head to the East Coast.”


“I haven’t been in ages; thought I might check it out. And this one guy started begging for his life, you know how it is, and he threw me a bunch of cash and gave me this list.”

“A list?”

“Yeah, he said this bunch” [pulls out list] “would be extra tasty. Just like dessert.”

“These are all politicians and lobbyists!”

“Really?” [starts laughing again] “You follow all that?”

“Eh… it comes in handy. No one follows up on the disappearances much. Hold on… that one? That’s one of ours.”

“Which one?”

“Palin. Part of the union and everything.”

“Figures. I'll keep that in mind.”

“Hey, what did the zombie say to the politician?”


“Damnit, don’t eat Mom!”

[groans] “Dude, I think we gotta call it a night soon.”