On the evening news, the Anchorwoman reports…
A man was assaulted at a local coffee shop earlier today. Though many details are still unclear, initial reports indicate that an argument broke out between a man and a woman with a baby in the seating area, shortly followed by the assault. When police arrived on the scene they found a middle-aged man beaten to unconsciousness and dripping wet. Witnesses had varying stories as to who or what provoked the attack, but they all agreed on one point… the liquid covering the man was breastmilk.
Cut to witness interview one
Elderly Man: “It’s a disgrace! Just a crying shame, the world today! You can’t even go for a bite to eat without seeing something like that? It makes you afraid to leave your house!”
Witness interview two
Latte-drinking Female: “I don’t know what the man was thinking, messing with that poor woman. You know, when a baby’s got to eat, a baby’s got to eat.”
Reporter: “So you’re saying the man provoked the attack?”
Latte-drinking Female: “Hell, YES! She was just sitting there minding her own business and that man was harassing her. I’ll tell you one thing… that woman has some mad skills. You know, she beat that man with the one while she kept the baby feeding from the other one the WHOLE TIME!”
Witness interview three
Reporter: Excuse me, did you see what happened?
Twenty-something Male: “I don’t know, man, I was standing in line and suddenly I heard someone shout ‘I’ll show you indecent!’ and duuuude… I gotta come here for coffee more often!”
Cut back to Anchorwoman:
The woman apparently fled the scene immediately after the attack. Police are encouraging anyone with information to come forward as they continue to piece together the details of the assault. Various sketches of the woman in question have proven too graphic for release. As for the woman’s baby… witnesses say she looked healthy and well-fed.
In other news, a new website has been climbing search engine ranking lists in record time! The site, dom-to-mom.com, has gained a huge online following…
I had to start with this one. Great suggestions so far, more to come! – wg