I’ve been dragging around the edges of this cold when I suddenly
realized I hadn’t posted in days. Complete space.
And since I’m still a little spacey I thought I’d go back to
the one or two commenter suggestions
I’ve got left. (Still working on that mammary one, though, it’s just not
gelling. *snick*) I’ve decided to tackle “Embarrassing Moments”
courtesy of Andrea. Tackle is actually the right word here because
I don’t get embarrassed all that easily. The moments have been pretty rare and
as I get older they’ve been even less frequent; I think it’s a combination of
better mouth control and just not giving a shit. The times that immediately come to mind fall
more under the range of “total humiliating failure” more than your everyday “embarrassment”:
both incidences of which involved being pressured as a teen into performing
music in public, once with piano and another time with hammer dulcimer. Total. Choke. Some of us aren’t meant to be performers (which real performers never seem to understand!).
So I’ve had to think about this quite a while to come up
with some general embarrassing moments. Like
the time I inadvertently made a comment about needing a nap after sex. I was at
work and I just hadn’t meant to make that comment out loud. In front of my male coworkers who bust out
laughing. But still that’s only a
five-minute embarrassing moment, you know? Anyway, so I continued to search my fading
memory for appropriate examples… and then I remembered THAT TIME.
Picture if you will a young couple in love. I was 19, Keen was 20. He proposed a trip down to
serious boyfriend. I had done some
dating in highschool but, whereas today I meet young ladies who talk about their
sexual experiences at 15 and their sex toy collections at 16… I was not that girl! I was more that nerdy girl who hung around
with the guys. Think Ugly Betty, but not
so high-strung. It never occurred to me
to “explore my sexual power”, much less cruise through lingerie catalogs or buy
the accessories to hook a hottie (or go it alone). What can I say? I was a gawky teen and a late-blooming one at
Fast forward a couple of years… by that time (obviously) I was
no longer virginally-challenged but I still wasn’t altogether comfortable proclaiming my sexuality to the world. It was “private”. Bedroom matters stayed in the bedroom. Blah blah blah. But of course, I was still curious about all
things sex. I just never used the word “orgasm”
in group conversations (back then).
So me and Keen are in the
come across a… you guessed it… a huge lingerie/sex shop. Being that I am curious, and it wasn’t in our home town, I timidly followed Keen into the
store. At first it was just honest
perusing of the lingerie and discreet snickering of the sexual aids. We slunk (or maybe that was just me) around
the store poking at this or that, trying to figure out what a few items were
used for, and definitely avoiding the sales people. After a few moments I felt comfortable enough
to wander away from Keen and started flipping through a rack of teddies. And that’s
when Keen decides to call to my attention the biggest frickin’ dildo I had
ever seen! This thing was so big it
could be seen by horny aliens in outer space. And at that point I hadn’t seen any damn
dildos in real life and I still knew this was enormous. Like, probably 20 feet long! And not altogether stiff. And very, very flesh-colored. Keen calls to me loudly across the room and then JIGGLES it in my direction! Laughing.
Needless to say with a 19-year-old girl who is still skittish
about her sexuality, my face froze into mortified oh-my-god-church-girl horror and
I turned and ran out of that den of sexual iniquity. Or rather, the den of horrifyingly
embarrassing dildo encounters.
A word of advice, just in case I have any young male readers
(doubtful) who are just embarking on new love… don’t shake any dildos at your
girl. Especially in public.
Unless she starts it.