Episode 8

The baby went in for a check-up recently.  I mentioned it casually at the Mommy corner while the other mommies were trying to give me the brush off.  One of them had made a comment about his red cheeks and asked if he was getting sick because “I certainly didn’t want to get the other children sick, did I?”  Oh no, I replied, he just saw the doctor and he’s fine.  A little baby eczema is all.  Well, that was a big mistake.  The other mommies were all over me like Juicy Couture on a Hilton.

The Mommies:

“How are his percentiles?  Is he keeping up?  I haven’t noticed any growth spurts lately.”

“My daughter is in the 85th percentile for growth.  The doctor is amazed.”

“Well, mine had a 30% jump between his second and third visits.  My sister said that when they have jumps in growth they also have jumps in development.  It’s probably a sign of an advanced IQ, you know.”

“And of course, breastfeeding makes them smarter.  Too bad, you stopped.”

“So were his numbers a little low?  I’m sure he’ll catch up… sometime.”

I was flabbergasted.  Was I supposed to be writing those stats down?  The pediatrician keeps it all on file and everything has been normal so it never occurred to me that I should be keeping a chart at home, too.  His first two teeth had just broke through; and honestly, I was less interested in his growth percentile than helping with the pain.      

I stammered, “Well, mainly we talked about teething. He’s started a little early and…”

The mommies gave a collective gasp.  Next thing I know they were stalking off.  I suppose next time I should bring his chart?  Or did they think teething at 5 months is catching? 

They are so confusing, sometimes.