I've been feeling a lot lately that I have the blog from blah hell so I'm going to give this a go. There is a list at Avitable's, but I'll post the list again at the bottom.  I probably won't do this 30 days straight, because it's my world and even if it's blah as hell I still have control of the blahness. That's my disclaimer and I'm sticking to it. ๐Ÿ™‚

Day One – Something you hate about yourself.

I am really hard on myself.  It puts me in a bad space.  Ironically, unlike most moms, I'm not hard about everyday decisions or my parenting choices but I'm really hard on myself about meeting personal goals.  For example, when I even question being hard on myself a little voice inside my head says, "Well, you can't be that hard on yourself or you would have accomplished more by now, wouldn't you?"  I had a lot of lofty goals when I was young and I have not met them. Actually, they weren't that lofty, they are completely doable. 

And there's the voice in my head again. 

I beat myself up a lot about how I spend my time.  The voice never completely shuts off and it's only getting worse as I get older.  I mean, shit, my mid-life crisis is just around the corner.  Buying a convertable won't cut it for me.  I'd like to stop pressuring myself but on the other hand, part of me is afraid of losing that voice because then I won't accomplish anything.  I've really built a vicious circle for myself.

It's not that I haven't accomplished anything; it just never feels like enough because I haven't approached the "big goals".  Something I hate # 2, and somewhat related to this, is I get stuck in my head and I think I'm probably being distant to my family.  I say I "think" because when I'm stuck in my head it's also up my ass and I can't see very well in there so it's hard to judge how preoccupied I'm being.  Then the voice pops up telling me I'm wasting time in my head instead of getting shit done.

(Oh, and the big goal was to write a novel. The big BIG goal was to be a published author and be writing multiple things by now.  But I would be happy right now with one novel finished.)         – wg


Here is the 30 Days of Truth list:

Day 01 โ†’ Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 โ†’ Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 โ†’ Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 โ†’ Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 โ†’ Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 โ†’ Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 โ†’ Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 โ†’ Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 โ†’ Someone you didnโ€™t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 โ†’ Someone you need to let go, or wish you didnโ€™t know.
Day 11 โ†’ Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 โ†’ Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 โ†’ A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 โ†’ A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 โ†’ Something or someone you couldnโ€™t live without, because youโ€™ve tried living without it.
Day 16 โ†’ Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 โ†’ A book youโ€™ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 โ†’ Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 โ†’ What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 โ†’ Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 โ†’ (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 โ†’ Something you wish you hadnโ€™t done in your life.
Day 23 โ†’ Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 โ†’ Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 โ†’ The reason you believe youโ€™re still alive today.
Day 26 โ†’ Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 โ†’ Whatโ€™s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 โ†’ What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 โ†’ Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 โ†’ A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself