I know this is weird, but lately I have been terribly amused
by my spam. I’ve been getting series of
emails of the “help secure funds from a Nigerian bank” variety, which used to be amusing because the words
were always wrong and so badly misspelled and I could feel smug for the half
second it took me to skim the first paragraph before I chucked it. However, the latest batch I’ve been getting
have been so full of back story that, I confess, I’ve been reading all the way
through them.  AND… saving some of the
really good ones.

(I know. I’m such a

But seriously? Each
one of these reads like the synopsis for a novel. (They must be finding C-list English students
to write these… or maybe they’re the rejects from No-Wro-Mo… what the hell was
that thing called?) I’ve gotten the one
where the French banker is set upon by mobsters; the oil tycoon who was killed,
along with his next of kin, in a “ghastly accident”, and the below – one of my

ATTN: Dearly Beloved,
This communication to you is strictly confidential, with due
respect. Sorry at this perceived
confusion or stress you may have receiving this letter from me, Since we have
not known ourselves or met previously. Despite that, I am constrained to write
you this letter because of the urgency of it. By way of self introduction, I am
Mrs. Mary Kobe, the wife of late Brigadier – Gen. Maxwell Kobe former ECOMOG
ARMY COMMANDER [West African peacekeeping force in Sierra
Leone] who died in the Sierra Leone civil disturbance
[War]. My three daughters and I are trapped in obnoxious custom and traditional
norms. We have suffered maltreatment and untold hardship in the hands of my
late husband’s family, simply because I did not bear a male child [heir
apparent] for my late husband. By tradition, all that my late husband had!,
[wealth] belongs to his brothers/family. And myself is to be remarried by his
immediate younger brother which I vehemently refused. They have taken all that
I suffered with my husband to acquire including treasures, houses and his bank
particular seized by them. I wanted to escape to the United State of America [USA}
with my children on exile, but again they conspired and stole my international
passport and other traveling document to further frustrate me…

It’s like a gothic romance, isn’t it?  I’m rather impressed at the level of detail
that goes into these now. Obviously,
this formula must work or the spammers wouldn’t be sending these out, right? And then I always get this bizarre picture in
my head of a bunch of scruffy-looking con artists running a focus group asking,
“So, would you say the British narrative tone makes you less likely or more
likely to give out your pin number? Does the melodramatic story inspire trust
and confidence?” 

Oh. It’s so wrong and
yet so humorously painful.
(Yes, I am easily amused.)   –
the weirdgirl 

(No, I’m not just trying to get out of writing a post.)