The daily workout:

Bend at waist 20 times sequentially, intermingled with
squats, at least five times a day because toddler has decided that the phrase
“pick up your toys” no longer applies. (Abs, core strength training)

Five to eight reps of lunges every time child tries to
escape diaper and/or clothes changing. Can also be used in conjunction with face scrubbings.  (Glutes)

Intersperse Giant’s
Farmer’s Walk, Africa
Stone, or Carry
and Drag, all otherwise known as carrying your protesting toddler. (Biceps and core strength)

(Women only) Run up the stairs. Run up the stairs again. Ten
minutes later, run up the stairs. Curse pregnancy-induced memory loss for
zapping the needed up errand from your brain. Stomp feet if needed. (Aerobic, cardio-vascular)

Manage at least one full-blown tantrum. Alternative – speak
and listen to the word “no” while engaging in combative bantering with toddler
500 times daily. (Emotional exhaustion
burns calories. Frustration adds to
cardio-vascular health.)

(Men and Women) Run after child.  Run after child again. Remove illicit items, stop activities, rescue
cat, etc. (See “combative bantering,”
results of.)

Weight training – drag clinging child through daily chores
while she/he is wrapped around leg. Occasionally pry off child and alternate legs for maximum
efficiency. (Sudden resurfacing of
separation anxiety adds to benefits of frustration and exhaustion.)

More weight training – pack bags for outings, also called Fridge
Carry.

You too can be this healthy… start the proven “Terrible Twos
Regimen” today! (Results of emotional
stability may vary. Shipping child off
to grandma’s may slow down or decrease benefits of workout and provide overall
time for undisturbed eating, rest, or novel-reading, which could adversely affect the
state of living with a toddler. If,
while living with a toddler, you experience extended periods of tranquility
(not including the state of grace induced by “big hugs”), cooperation, or
uninterrupted chore completion please alert the proper medical professional because this
might be an indication that you are one lucky son of a bitch or have another
serious underlying condition.)  

  – wg