One fine Saturday morning…
Chance & Keen: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Me: Wheeze, croak, wheeze! (Meant to say “thank you!”)
Me: Voice?! Hey, voice? What gives, man?
Voice: Yeah, I been thinking. It’s my birthday today, too.
Voice: And I’m sick of being hauled around in that ailing body of yours. I’m taking some time off.
Me: Excuse me?
Voice: You heard me. Oh, wait… you can’t hear me! Bwaaa ha!
Me: I don’t understand… Didn’t we have a great dinner last night? Nice wine, nice people. We have a fun day planned today…
Voice: Whatever. You go off and have tea with your little girlfriends. Walk around the gardens with your pinkies in the air. I got things to do.
Me: Things? Besides BE MY VOICE?
Voice: Yeah, life is short and I got a bucket list.
Me (snorting): A bucket list?! Like what?!
Voice: Oh you scoff, prissy? First: get into voice-over work. I’ve got my sites on Robot Chicken. Second: sing for a rock band.
Me: You can’t sing.
Voice: Shut up. You don’t know. Third: become the confidante of rock bands.
Me: *cough groupie cough*!
Voice: Fourth: scream from the top of the Eiffel Tower. Fifth: scare the shit out of Bush. Sixth: book on tape of my memoirs… well, everything except your bits.
Me: OK, where are you going with this?
Voice: Isn’t it obvious? I’ve got the chance to be the voice of a generation and you’ve been holding me back.
Me: Oh my god…
Voice: So I’m getting on this before we’re 40.
Me: You know, we’ve had a pretty good life…
Voice: Whatever. You have fun today, goody goody; let’s see how far you get chatting it up without me. I’m out.
Me: Man, my voice is a bitch!
P.S. Today I am 38, and it will be enjoyed with or without any abandoning cast members. Besides, my memory bailed on me ages ago and I'm doing just fine!
– the weirdgirl