1. evil marketing executive at Cartoon Network (oh, the minds to warp!)

2. professional student (if only someone would pay me!)

3. burlesque dancer

4. subversive muckraker (this is probably more a lifestyle than an actual job)

5. carny

6. “intellectual terrorist” – Note: this is not an endorsement for terrorism; this is an actual quote from literary criticism to describe deconstructionists.  (Academics or academicus sapiens, are a highly-passionate breed who exhibit the signature characteristic of taking things a little too seriously in their field. This often leads to extensive and dramatic feuding among the breed’s written “essays” – a demonstrative form the species uses to display vocabulary primacy, thus securing the best mating partners. Sadly, their passionate nature notwithstanding, the academics are dying out due to shrinking budgets affecting their natural habitat.  In particular the sub-species academicus smartaleckus, less passionate and prone to pointing out the inconsistencies in theory, is dying out in droves, often beaten to death by the shoes of the greater species before securing tenure.) 

7. comic book anything

8. “eight… eight…. I forget what eight was for”

9. buyer for Target’s stationary department

10. novelist