My baby boy has been a having a difficult couple of days.  Very drama-king.  Everything upsets him.  He’s usually so sweet, the change is quite trying.  He’s also decided that he’s terrified of the vacuum cleaner (?!).  I don’t know why, he’s seen me vacuum plenty of times before, and now that he’s getting more mobile I’d really like to keep the floor free of potentially edible items.  His fear, of course, only makes things more difficult for me.  (Yes, I know, bad, selfish mom.)  I’m not going to force him to “face his fear” at his tender age.  Therefore, yet another “mommy-window” has been established.  You know, those moments where you have to do particular things in a window of time or forever give up achieving them?  Such as, eating (after or before the baby needs to eat), showering (baby morning nap-time), running errands (baby afternoon nap-time), making phone calls (still haven’t found a predictable time for this), sex (yeah, I wish), etc. 

My husband wonders why I stay up so late at night and then I’m tired in the morning.  Well, because.  Because you and the cats and the baby are all asleep.  That’s why.

There was an instance today when the full dimension of motherhood hit me.  I’m not talking the usual stuff, watching your children sleep, cuddling, the worry, the love, all the gooey stuff.  I’m talking caught between two narrow mommy-windows.  An ugly, potentially day-to-day event that no one ever tells you about, because it’s, frankly, probably too much information.  This is the dark underbelly of the mommy world.  Let me break it down for you.  Have you ever had one of those unfortunate lunches that bite back later?  OK, so I’m quickly vacuuming every possible floor in the house while hubby has the baby out of sight and out of hearing of the vacuum cleaner when suddenly, gut-bomb lunch makes it’s presence known.  Shit!  (no pun-intended, that’s what I really thought)  I find myself excruciatingly aware of the windows of time required for each of these things; vacuuming or bathroom time.  And the mommy window to make a decision is also shrinking.  So what do I do? 

With an immense effort of will, I hold back the gut-bomb and finish vacuuming. 

This is mommyhood.               – the weirdgirl