So by pure cruel fate I accidentally shopped this past weekend. I hadn’t meant to. I had planned on a relaxing weekend of absolutely avoiding all shopping centers, malls, or merchandizing meccas. But it turns out I needed a new dress for a company holiday party that kind of snuck up on me this year (no surprise the manifold dresses I had collected pre-pregnancy aren’t quite so flattering anymore, is it?) and I may be out of a vehicle for most of this week due to Keen getting run down by a pregnant woman at Safeway (Keen and said pregnant woman are both fine, thanks) so, voila, I ended up driving to the mall and trudging through the crowds Saturday.
Let me tell you, the ball of dread started about ten seconds after I realized I had to face the crowds this weekend. So to cheer myself up, as I drove morosely to the mall (which is so oxymoronic I can’t even tell you (unless you’re shopping for jeans)), I decided to treat myself by shopping at Anthropologie.
Because that’s what I think of Anthropologie… a treat. They have beautiful clothes there, they really do; they have beautiful details, and signature styling… but that is NOT an everyday shopping store. That is a “once in a while” store, for something special. Many of their t-shirts start at $70! And that’s cotton! It’s not like you get extra fine craftsmanship and long-lasting wear like when you buy really good leather boots or something. A $70 t-shirt lasts about as long as a t-shirt from Wal-mart. But if I was going to drop a good chunk of change on a new dress I figured I might as well treat myself with the signature styling and all that. (Within budget, of course.)
Can I tell you how many teenage girls were there with their parents? A lot, that’s how many. And they didn’t even seem to be Christmas shopping. They seemed to be just generally shopping… like for fun… for their regular wardrobe. Their parents sat patiently on the provided “money-bags” couch, and these girls ran around collecting $70 tees and $160 dollar skirts (and those are the lower-priced items); each one looking tastefully deconstructed like a European faux gamine as they made multiple trips in and out of the dressing room.
I guess I should give these teens props for not following the Coach-toting, velour sweat-wearing Juicy herd, but to tell the truth I was a little appalled.
I mean, even if you have that kind of money would you just let your teenage kids go to town? Maybe it was my upbringing (poor) but how do you teach the value of money if you just give your kids really expensive stuff? (Yes, I know I sound old and crotchety. And no, I don’t know the circumstances of each and every teenage shopper in the place – I’m sure some of them earned their shopping treat – but I have to share my general impression as an observer. And I’m not so crazy about the juicy sweats, Coach-toters, either.) Trust me, I would LOVE to have that kind of cash… and the fact that I was actually shopping there means I’ve got something, but… I’m 35 and anything I have now is only because I worked hard to get to where I am in life. You know?
It seems like everywhere you look teens are wearing really expensive merchandise. I know it’s silly because it’s a long way away, but I worry about teaching good values about money to my kid(s). I already know I am going to be better off financially than my parents – in fact, Keen and I planned it out that way; we set goals young, we worked hard, yadda yadda yadda. But we also waited to have kids; we started a little older. And here is my fear… I see a lot of older parents with money that are complacent about indulging their kids. You know, you mellow with age, you’ve got extra income, it just doesn’t seem a big deal to “take care” of the kids.
Will I become an older parent with cash?
Personally, I don’t think so because at my core I just don’t think it teaches kids anything to give them money too freely (and obviously, I balk at the $70 cotton shirt even though I’m a total clothes horse). I’m afraid too much money will give them entitlement issues and then they’ll hit the real world come college and be all bitter and disenchanted. Or they’ll try to live at home forever. (Yeah, that’s a little of the mommy brain running amok.) But then again, since I never had disposable income of my own growing up (outside of what I earned) I can’t really say I know what that experience is like or how those kids end up.
So I’d like to open this up for discussion and hear your opinions. Am I overreacting and just being a big fat bitch parent? Do any of you have a game plan for teaching money sense? Have any of you seen methods that work or seen an average of what’s good for the kids (any teachers reading this)? How are the parents’ money decisions affecting kids today?
Your thoughts? – the weirdgirl
I believe that it’s important to teach our children about $. Where it comes from, spending choices, etc.
I saw my husband’s parents scrimp & save like fiends. They never talked $ with the kids. ALL of them ended up going into credit card debt in part because they felt like they were denied so much growing up.
There has to be a balance. I think education is the key. Kids need to know where money comes from. They need to learn intelligent spending habits. The potential perils of credit cards.
No matter the parental income, I think it’s in the kid’s best interest to give the kid a set amount for clothes. Let the kid figure out how best to spend it.
And make sure the kid knows that Mom & Dad are NOT the money tree.
No way are you just being a big fat bitch parent! Kids think nothing of blowing $500.00 of their parents money on a Coach purse or a sweater that they claim they’re DYING to have.
I was raised by parents who weren’t afraid to say no when they couldn’t afford something and it made me appreciate the things I did have and it made me realize that if you want nice things, you’ve got to work to get them.
I think that paying your children to perform chores around the house to let them earn the money they need for things is the way to go. It gets them used to working for their money and there isn’t a law that says that you can’t treat them to something special now and then. I’m just guessing here, but something tells me that if you can teach your kids how hard it is to earn a single dollar, then they won’t want to spend 70 on one t-shirt.
Oh everything you said is SO true! I was raised learning the value of a dollar very young. And learning to save for that proverbial “rainy day”. Though my parents had (and still have) enough money to buy me many items I was DYING to have, they didn’t. When I was in high school (going to a private parrochial school where everyone wore designer clothing and drove expensive cars they were gifted on their 16th birthday) I thought my parents were cruel to make me wear the knockoffs.
Now, as a parent, I am thankful for the lessons they taught me and am trying to instill the same in my son. Of course the fact that his father (my ex) is a habitual spender and buys my son anything and everything makes my job all that much harder. But I see him (son) already appreciating the value of a hard earned dollar… and he’s only 6.
Great topic! I’m really happy I stumbled on your blog.
I really like the idea of chores = cash. I know someone who was raised that way, with each chore earning a specific amount of money, instead of a lump sum for unspecified “allowance”. Of course, my friend would do ALL the chores for ALL the allowance (he was entrepreneurial early on) while his brother did few or no chores. I also like the idea of letting the kids manage their own money, such as giving kids $10 at Toys R Us and letting them figure out what to buy within that amount.
Keen and I were talking about it more and he pointed out that if the moms gotta have their Coach bags, how do they say “no” to their kids? Which I think is exactly what happens (and a little of what I’m worrying about when I describe “older parents with money”). The longer you wait to have kids the more disposable income you earn, and it’s really easy to get in the habit of spending on yourself. I’m trying to be more aware of my spending habits now. And, sometimes, that’s really hard to do when you haven’t grown up with a lot. I never got into debt trouble, but now that I’m at a place where I can afford more it’s hard to say “no” to the little things (whose costs add up).
Sometimes no matter what you do to try to instill the value of a dollar into your child, they will never really understand until they start earning their own money. Then they will understand how long it takes to save up for a $350 iPod or a $300 game system while still paying rent, utilities, car payment, etc.
When I was a teacher at a very high-class school, I saw how spoiled these kids got. One kid floored me when he was complaining about his car, that he received when he turned 16. His Eddie Bauer Edition Ford Explorer was “boring” he said. He wished he’d gotten a sportscar.
Kids like him just don’t live on Earth.
I remember pushing my Dodge Omni around.
I’m with you. I think it’s important for kids to understand budgets and money and the old cliched “value of a dollar.” I remember getting a teeny little starter Coach bag that was probably under $100 in high school for my sixteenth bday and boy, I cherished that thing for years. Kids that are spending all their time thinking about outspending each other in the wardrobe dept aren’t thinking about more important stuff. (Don’t I sound like an old fart!)
However I can assure you, from clothes horse to clothes horse, there are $70ish tee shirts that are worth every penny and do last longer and better than the crap from Old Navy. But it’s not made by Anthropology, that’s for sure. Try, Agnes B. Or at very least, Michael Starr.
KC, I think you’re right. My kid brother, whom I consider to be pretty down to earth, did not really “get” the value of a dollar until he was working and paying his own way. Once lunch money stopped coming from mom, he suddenly was into bag lunches.
Phoenix, it’s mind boggling. I never even got my first car (a ’69 VW bug) to run. My second car (a ’66 bug) I drove until I got pregnant with Chance. I mean, I certainly don’t want my kids to feel denied, but I definitely don’t want them to take things
for granted!
Mom 101, I think we’re all starting to sound like old farts (proudly). And I love Agnes B!
There are a few memorable things that my dad did to teach my brother and I about money. We had the allowance for doing chores around the house, with both the responsibilities and allowance increasing with age. From that we had to give 10% to the church (just like taxes!), we were encouraged to put some in savings, then the rest usually went to penny candy at the local market (it wasn’t that much money initially).
At the grocery store, we played the game of trying to figure out the final bill. That was a bit of figuring for produce, but the praise from dad was worth the effort. That might also be why I always thought math was fun.
And when I graduated from high school, dad started talking about saving for retirement by putting $2K in an IRA every year. Since I made only about $600 that first year, I thought he was crazy. But I still kept thinking about the future, the cost of things, the reality of being responsible for myself.
Just keep things age-approprite, figure out little lessons, and talk to the kids. Even though some talk was over my head initially, it always came back to me later.