I don’t know how many of you caught “Who Wants to Be a Superhero” last week but you should check it out. Really. (The only upside to being trapped in a sickhouse a few days is you can catch up on your Tivo.) I won’t do a full recap because there are plenty of those on the web, but in essence Stan Lee is running a reality show competition to find a real-life person who embodies the character and morals of a superhero. The winner of the competition, or rather their superhero alter-ego, will be immortalized in a real comic book. (No mention of how many issues, but still, that’s pretty cool.)
So picture it… grown adults running around city streets in capes and codpieces and bandeau bra tops. Some of them camping it up a bit, but others completely serious. In capes. On city streets. Oh, it warms the cockles of my geeky, voyeuristic heart, hee hee! The show has a perfect blend of utter kitsch and sentimentality. And yes, I admit it, when Fat Momma ran right up to that crying little girl without hesitation (because you know that even of the superheroes who stopped a couple of them had to think about it) and said “Honey, are you all right?” I got a little teary-eyed.
Yes, I am a sap. (Go Moms!)
But I don’t want to talk about that. What I feel compelled to bring to your attention, what has been haunting me, is this man: The Iron Enforcer.
No, he’s not my favorite character (he actually seemed a bit snarky in the first episode but I’ll withhold judgment for now), nor am I impressed by his back story, costume, or weaponry. (And frankly, the popping veins that come standard with that many muscles kind of creep me out.) But there was something mesmerizing about him for the duration of the show. I kept staring and staring. Then I figured it out…
It’s his boobs. They’re crooked. This disturbs me.
At first, I couldn’t tell if it was the lighting or camera angles or what. It’s really hard to tell in the above photo (he’s got that “good side” turn going on in all his photos, by the way). But take a close look at this photo.
Yep, crooked boobies.
I know, I know, crooked boobs are a part of life! No one is perfect. A lot of women have less than ideally matching hooters, and that includes me. My headlights can’t ever claim to be hung with a level.
But, I don’t know… guy boobs… hmmm. Maybe it’s because you men are always running around with your shirts off. I just have always figured that this was a girl-only problem (made up for, of course, by the fact that the female form is otherwise so aesthetically pleasing – we can live with a few design flaws. Oh, like you guys don’t agree!). Now that my attention has been drawn to the fact that guys have crooked boobs too, I’m going to be looking for them ALL THE TIME!
Great way to spend the rest of summer. Thanks buddy. Thank you and your superhero boobs.
– the weirdgirl
P.S. On another note, the Iron Enforcer has a myspace page you can find easily if you google him. As I’m sure he’s doing daily, since his show is now airing, for all the best Internet mentions. If you don’t hear from me for a few days, he’s probably come and kicked my ass.