Sorry about my freak out yesterday. I was having A Moment. I need to stop reading stuff on the web. It all seems either incredibly basic or worse
case scenario, neither of which are helpful. I’m one of those people who want a little more medical depth than the
average joe (such as, will a temporary hormone surge delay your period? This shouldn’t be that hard of a question)
but I don’t want the end-of-the-world analysis either.
I also really hate some of the terminology used in reference
to women’s health and pregnancy. So much
of it sounds negative and… almost… accusatory. If that makes sense.
The thing is my thyroid condition puts me at a higher risk
for miscarriage. I didn’t know this for
my first pregnancy because I wasn’t even diagnosed with the thyroid issue until
I was four months along. But I think the
knowledge going into it this time is (obviously) coloring my reaction. The truth is I’m more comfortable with the
idea of not conceiving or the egg not embedding early but still getting a regular period than miscarrying a week
or two after my period. I’m especially afraid
of multiple successive miscarriages. Like, every month feeling briefly like I’ve gotten pregnant and then
losing it. Because you do have these
hormonal surges where something feels
different and then it stops or you get a wonky period (with more hormones) or
you just feel sort of crappy but you can’t tell if it’s the flu or something
else. And you feel a little crazy for
feeling bad… as if it’s all in your head.
The problem with being a chick, even those of us who feel
like we’re pretty even-keeled, is that your hormones do affect you emotionally. And
then your heart and your head affect you emotionally. And sometimes you can’t reconcile the two (or
three, whatever). Usually the head can balance out the hormones, or at least
temper their influence. And sometimes you
just get caught in a crossfire / spin cycle / tornado slam of emotional hell
between the two.
We are, after all, trying to have a baby here. And no matter how “easy” it seems for some
couples than others, it’s still not an easy thing.
And an update… as of this morning my period still had not
started (I usually start in the morning), but by this afternoon I started
cramping and spotting. We’ll just see
how things go.
Thanks for being there, my Internet friends.
Updated to add (Monday 12/3): My period did start fully by Saturday morning. Ironically, and for once, as soon as my period actually started the hormones subsided and I felt better. I was disappointed of course, but I didn’t feel crazy. And you guys helped with that, too. Not feeling crazy goes a long way. Thanks!