For the betterment (and protection) of parents everywhere, I’d like to share a lesson learned. Here’s the story.
A summer day and we’re both outside. Chance in his kiddie pool, me trying to read a book while soaking up some sun. Usually when we go outside it’s an either/or situation; Chance is either in his pool OR playing in the yard. But as I watch Chance figures out he can hop in and out of the pool and have both worlds! I decide to indulge him (silly, silly mom) and he runs around crazy, back and forth between the grass and the water. I start shadowing his every move, afraid he’ll cut a bare foot or do a face plant on the concrete. (So much for the book.)
Then, on one of Chance’s laps a whiff of something suspicious drifts past my nose. Ah well, it’s about time to go inside anyway. I make a grab for him and…
…catch hold of soggy swimmer’s diaper which, just like a sponge, squirts out a stream of liquid all over me. Smelly liquid. I look down and also notice that there seem to have been chunks in the liquid as they are now sticking to my shorts. And Chance, sensing that I’ll be taking him inside (duh) when he still wants freedom, writhes and squirms like a caught fish.
I take a moment to internally scream/sigh/ponder my place in the universe as a receptacle for all things fecal*, all while still holding onto my wriggling, protesting youngun’. I calculate the quickest method/route to cleanup. Then I make my way to the house…
Goose march to the back door (trying to both hold the child securely, but not TOO securely against my clothes, you know?)
squirt… drip
squirt… drip
A chunk dribbles out
squirt
Reach the laundry room, briefly contemplate stripping him there… discard idea
Wrap child in towel, squirting stops
drip… drip drip
Proceed to bathroom
drip
drip
drip
Dump child (still protesting) in tub, peel off swimmer’s diaper
Chunks ricochet from very full, elastic diaper, more foul liquid dribbles
Look down
Oh…
goody….
CORN!
Strip off own shorts and shirt, climb into bathtub
Wash youngun’
Dry youngun’
Dress youngun’
Try to deposit child in safe zone (i.e. behind baby gates) while not stepping in chunky drips
In underwear and still half wet, scrutinize floor, find and clean all chunky drips
Hope neighbors can’t see
So, there you go. What happens when corn poop meets pool. I know you’ve always wondered.
– the weirdgirl
*Related story and case in point: The Agony
Yeah, poop + swimming diaper = horrible, horrible mess.
Oh, no! Could it be… poop karma?!?
It’s a good thing they’re so darned cute, isn’t it?
Been there! Swim diapers are an improvement on regular disposables, but they don’t hold in the chunks…
When my kids were of diaper age, cloth diapers were back in vogue, and there were all these terrific accessories for them. One such was some diaper covers (aka “plastic pants”) that were made of soft, flexible vinyl-type stuff and they had the best, the widest, the softest, the most *effective* elastic at waist and legs – NOTHING got out of those suckers. Well, nothing solid or near-solid. I loved them for the pool. My kids wore them either over wee swimsuits or over bare butts. (No swim diapers back then…)
Wonder where they went?
That just sounds really bad. For lack of anything brilliant to say.
I saw “corn” and nearly fell over.
I had to laugh. Sorry, but I just had to. I could picture the whole thing as you described it. Isn’t it fun to be a mom?
While I was writing this I was thinking to myself that probably most of the other seasoned parents have been through this already… but I still had to share. It was the chunks that got me.
I remember those elastic pants! Those were great; I used to use them on my youngest brother (now 22) all the time. (Well, when I could get pants on him. He was kind of a nudist.) The other old-school thing I remembered that I had the hardest time finding were diaper changing pads, or puddle pads. The cloth ones you can just throw in the wash? Those are the best! Turns out they don’t sell them in stores much but you can make the same thing by buying rubberized cotton at the fabric store.
Nasty! Thanks for sharing …
Oh, wow. Its probably been 16 to 17 years but I remember going through almost the exact pool & poop experience.
After reading your post I had to scroll down to your previous post and see again just how cut Chance is in those pictures.
That should say “cute”.
The only poop/pool experience I’ve had was when some dumb parent let their 3-year-old into a hotel pool without a swim diaper and he had a little accident in the pool, forcing all the guests to retire to their rooms early that evening. Oh wait, the dumb parent was me, and the kid was my son. I’ve never been glared at more in my life.
LOL! At least I’m in good company! (See, I knew all the seasoned parents would relate.)
Ycchh. I think that I would have gone for the old hose off the young ‘un in the yard trick.
You know, I never thought I’d be glad that I can’t get Ally to eat many things – including corn. 🙂
The HOSE! Yeah, that would have made a lot of sense. I think my brain stopped functioning when I saw the chunks.
(And yeah, corn poop is definitely something I could do without.)
I’m a little nauseated right now…
I knew of the hose trick due to embarrassing pics from my childhood. My folks have pictures with me sitting on the porch in a high chair. I must have been an extremely messy eater so they fed me on the porch and hosed me off afterwards. Crazy but True.
With nothing but cloth diapers at home, I would dress my kids in double diapers and rubber pants, then head off to the swimming pool. No problem. All the fancy this fancy that now a days is nothing but a big waste of money.