After having spent the long weekend packed with extra UOR
visits and extended-family events (is it just me or do these long weekends get
packed up with just as much crap as the regular workweeks?) I’ve realized that
those little idiosyncrasies between parental and grandparental childrearing
techniques don’t just quietly end after the newborn period is over. Nope. Those idiosyncrasies, like bad habits, just keep evolving. Cases in point…

Parents: “How does it look?”
             “Not bad. It’s not full yet. He can go
another half hour before changing.”

 Grandparent(s): “Oh,
did my baby tinkle? I think my baby
tinkled! I saw your ‘pee-pee’ face. Let’s just change you right away so you don’t
get diaper rash! …Yes, he did pee! Look,
right here, there’s some dampness! No,
it’s not sweat, he peed. What do you
mean diapers are expensive? Well, then
potty train him!”

Child: “Baaa….Ll!”
Parents: “That’s right,
ball! Here’s your ball!”
Grandparents: “Oh my
god, did you hear that?”
Parents: “Yes, he
just said ‘ball’.”
Grandparents: “No! He said ‘ballistic’!”
Parents: “What?”
Grandparents: “He
said ‘ballistic’! We were watching the History Channel about World War II
firearms and now he’s trying to say, ‘ballistic’.”
Parents: “He just said ‘ball’.”
Grandparents: “No, he
clearly said ‘ballistic’. I heard
him. This boy is so smart, he hears
something once (*snaps fingers*) and he’s got it!”

Parents: “Oh, let’s see what grandma and grandpa got you for
your birthday! Come here and open your
gift… it’s… it’s a BB gun.”
Grandparents: “Oh, we knew he’d love it! Ever since we’ve been watching the History
Channel with him he’s been all about
the guns!”
Parents: “It’s a BB GUN! And it’s for 10 years and up!”
Grandparents: “Oh,
he’s so advanced we knew he’d get bored with those other toys.”

Food & Drink
Parents: “Did you water down his juice?”
              “Sure did. He doesn’t need any more sugar before dinner.”

Grandparents: “Are
you thirsty, baby? Here have some Coke. Oh, a sip won’t hurt him! Want a cookie,
Ten sips (behind our backs) and three cookies later…
Grandparents: “This
kid has the stamina of a born athlete! I
tell you, with energy like that he’ll be on any all-star team he plays! He just keeps… why is he crying?”
Kids hopped up on Too Much Attention (TMA)… it’s not a
pretty thing.

– the