Shopping at Play
(which I couldn’t find a reference link for, but trust me, it has lots of
“cool” clothes for kids)

Mom Shopper, walking up to a store
clerk: “Hi, could you help me? I’m looking for some cute shirts for my son

Clerk: “Um, I’m sorry… this store is for hipster
parents… you can’t shop here.”

Mom Shopper: “What? What do you mean?  I’m hip!”

Clerk, looking Mom Shopper up and down: “Mmmmm…”

MS: “I am!”

Clerk, pointing: “You’re
wearing a sweatshirt.”

Mom Shopper, looks down at her clothes: “Well, I used to be.  This is just an off day! Look, don’t I get points for wanting to dress
my child cool?”

Clerk: “I just don’t
think this store is right for you. And
it is rather expensive.”

Mom Shopper: “Oh,
don’t even go there. I drive a Hummer.”

A young dad comes in pushing a stroller. Clerk looks him over.

Clerk, distractedly: “Yeah,
this just doesn’t seem your parenting genre. If you really want to drop some cash you can go over to St. John’s and buy yourself a patriotically
sequined cardigan?” The clerk turns to
the other patron.

Clerk:  “Excuse me, sir? You’re too hipster. You can’t shop here either.”

Dad Shopper, belligerently: “What are you talking about?! I can
shop wherever I want!”

Clerk: “Did you buy
that jacket at a vintage thrift store?”

Dad Shopper: “Yeah.”

Clerk: “Those ratty shoes,

Dad Shopper: “Yeah.”

Clerk: “That shirt?”

Dad Shopper: “No, I
dug this out of my grandfather’s closet and then added the patches myself.”

Clerk: “Yeah, you’re
way too hipster. Sorry. But here is a pile of old receipts with our logo on them. Why don’t you
make your child a papier-mâché ironic romper displaying your disdain for mass
consumerism and protesting the fall of hand-made goods?”

Dad Shopper, face brightening: “Oh wow! OK, thanks!”

Mom Shopper: “OK,

Clerk: “Oh, you’re
still here?”

Mom Shopper: “YES, I
am!  You know, I may not look it now but
I was hip! I followed Morrissey
cross-country on tour in college.”

Clerk, considering: “Hmm, did you
sleep with him?”

Mom Shopper: “Hello?! It’s Morrissey!”

Clerk: “Oh… right…”

Mom Shopper: “I did
make out with a roadie, though.”

Clerk: “Well… in that
case, you can browse… but only the Paul Frank stuff.”

*Because the whole
vs. non-hipster
parent **controversy is STILL going on! Which, frankly, when it first started just made me roll my eyes (because
seriously, who fits into any box
definitively?) but now it’s just turned into fodder for my own twisted
humor. Yes, I do find it all faintly
ridiculous. I mean, this is America, the
land of mass production, ***I don’t care what your style is… if you can buy it
at the MALL then it’s really not all that alternative, is it?

**BTW, I’m pretty sure this “controversy” was purposely
created by online journalists (on either side) because it’s a slow news season
and they like being snarky.

***There is also an inherent joy in buying stuff you like,
wearing clothes you like, celebrating the things you enjoy, be it music, shoes,
sports, minivans, or icons from childhood.  Life is short, do we really need
to squash each other’s enthusiasm?

– the