Last week Sarah
of Goon Squad fame asked folks to fess up
about their garage bands
.  Well, I’ve
never been with a band (being rather musically and vocally challenged), but I
did mention that I am now, at the ripe old age of 36, taking drum lessons. Because I’m gonna be a Super Star! When I grow up.

Anyway. It occurs to
me that I just might be experiencing a tad wee bit of the mom version of a
mid-life crisis. If I was a guy I might
get myself an I-ROC and start cruising for chicks, my comb-over flapping in the
wind (sorry guys). Or… being a MOM… I
could do something vaguely unconventional and entirely outside the realm of
mom-hood.  Something fun, but also identity-ifying.  And in my case (or any woman experiencing a
mom-life crisis) I could do that a whole lot. Like to potentially ridiculous levels.

But how do I know I’m crossing over into mom-life crisis*
land? Well, I made a tried and true list
o’ analysis.  (Because making a list is SO not a mom thing to do!)
















The Glamour

– things I’m doing
  or plan on doing

(There is no such thing as denial.)


The Reality

– a.k.a. the rest
  of my life



Taking drum lessons out of the blue. The dream: total drum diva! Able to jam phenomenally, at any given moment, in a multitude of genres.



Singing along to the various kids’ shows I am forced to watch ad nauseum. Dancing like a
  chicken because it makes my son laugh.



Joining a girl roller derby team under the name You-scora Welts-y. (You know, for Eudora Welty. She’s an author, you heathens!)



Reading Eudora Welty… while hiding from the kid in the bathroom. Notice scummy floor. Ignore it.


Fabulous spa time once a month. (I am SO doing this!)



Washing poop out of underwear. (See floor, root of cause.)




Dressing like a fashionista all the time.



Dressing like a fashionista when I go into the
  office. Because they’re not the boss of me! I will HAVE self-expression, damnit! (Oh wait, I don’t have that job anymore… maybe that backfired.)


Traveling to exotic places and culture-rich cities. Being a “woman of the world.”



 Driving to Target, the preschool, Walgreen’s, preschool, the bank, preschool, repeat.


 Dying my hair outrageous colors.



 Dying my hair outrageous colors.


So there’s the evidence.  But I leave it up to you, my
readers… am I pushing the mom-life crisis behavior?  (In my defense, at least I’m not walking
around in a leather bustier and flirting with high-school boys.)

If any of you feel you’re also in danger of a mom-life crisis,
feel free to make your own list… and then let me know the results. Maybe we can form a support group.  (Of drumming, bustier-wearing divas!)

– the


*Other indicators that you may be experiencing a mom-life
crisis include being on the receiving end of the following reactions: bug and/or rolling eyes, blank stares, or the expression, “Oh
my god, what are you into now?”
accompanied with an exasperated tone.

(They’re just jealous.)