Holy crapmonkeys, I have not sat down at the computer since
my last post Sunday night! Seriously. I haven’t gotten any
work done, I haven’t read anything, I haven’t even checked email. The porn spam really piled up, let me tell
you.  Usually when there’s a break like
this I’m still online but my brain has just short-circuited and I can’t think
of anything to write.  There’s, literally,
a three-day-old IM from my brother I just

And why did this occur, you ask?  Because we are idiots, Keen and I. 

Chance turned three-years-old on Monday*.  (Happy Birthday kiddo!) Somehow, somewhere (most likely in opposite
universe), we thought it would be easier to break up all the festivities this
year.  I.e. one party for the family and
a separate party for the kids. 

It was not easier. It was not easier at all. 

The reason we succumbed to this opiate-like delusion is that
we have a lot of family living near us.  You
start factoring in friends of ours, everyone’s kids (I can’t believe we’ve all
had kids!), friends of Chance, and
family and parties can get a little crazy.  At least, for a three-year-old. First bar-b-que kicking off summer… fine,
blowout time.  Supposedly laid back toddler
birthday party, especially in the middle of tax season (Keen’s busy period)?  Not such a great period.  And last year when we just had the kid party – which we thought was appropriate – all the
uninvited family were upset.  Oy. OK then, we’ll split them. 

After analyzing the situation thoroughly, I’ve realized it
was not so much an error in execution as it was in duration. Figure, we started
roughly last Friday prepping the house, cleaning and whatnot.  (I mean, it all started earlier than that, but you know what I mean.)  Saturday we had the first party at our place.  Parties with family never seem to end at small, casual, cake and ice cream get
togethers; I don’t know what it is.  You
think a couple of hours tops, and four hours later people are still making
their way out.  And even though almost
everyone there were adults, Chance still seemed to get riled up like those
self-same adults were zapping him with cattle prods. I distinctly remember Chance zipping by me at
one point, saying, “Mom!  Need!  Banana!” and then he was already off in
another room. (Because of course he
wouldn’t stop to eat dinner, or drink, or even pee.)

Sunday, a day of rest.  At least the plan was to take a lot of naps
and recover from the time change/birthday night. Except for that family trip to Target to get goodie
bag supplies for Chance’s preschool class birthday party. (Which ended up being the third party I had to prep for, ‘cause I
hadn’t factored that in when we decided to split the other parties.)  The trip to Target with a still wired, yet
tired (SWYT) toddler. The same toddler
who refused to take a nap when we got back. 

Note to self – when child refuses to nap, NONE of us get
naps.  Buy duct tape.  

On Monday, (even though I did great with the time change on
Sunday,) somehow I ended up an hour off ALL DAY LONG! Like, the only two clocks that hadn’t been
reset, those are the ones I was looking at – the end result being that I was
too late to put Chance down for a fricking nap!  (Just shoot dork girl in the head right now.) And it being my only son’s birthday, I had
planned special activity time for him and mommy so the day ended up being way
more packed then I expected (before I fucked up an hour).  I finally figured it out when Keen came home
earlier than I expected. Anyway, Monday
was the kid party at a Pump It Up in the early evening. Downside – chaos like insane midget clowns have
finally escaped from a too-tight car. Upside
– total enclosure of said chaos and it’s over in two hours.  

But wait! I still
have to go home and bake the cupcakes and make goodie bags for preschool! 

OK, that didn’t happen Monday night at all, but it was on my schedule.  (I swear to god, I’m not trying to be one of those super moms!  (They never wear nice shoes.))  I think I fell asleep at, like, 9:00.

Tuesday, get up, skip shower to doze 20 extra minutes while
Chance jumped up and down on in me in bed, get him ready and to school.  Theoretically planned on taking shower when I
got back home before baking cupcakes; instead, followed strange compulsion to
once again visit Target.  (The red
bulls-eye calls to me!)  Thank goodness,
my dear mom dropped by to visit and helped me make cupcakes and goodie bags and helped me load everything into the
car before she galloped off into the sunset.  Got to school, watch 20+ kids scarf cupcakes,
start to glimpse the sugar high setting in, and narrowly escaped with Chance in
tow. I don’t think anything else happened the rest of Tuesday but the remainder
of the day was a blur.   

Today (it’s Wednesday, right?), Chance woke up a little
high-strung and whimpery (because SWYT), and we had his yearly pediatrician
appointment where we got to discuss the red-flagging,
then I rushed home to clean up the disaster of birthday and Easter supplies (courtesy
of Target ) flung everywhere before the real cleaners come (yes, I pay people
to clean my toilet.  Deal. I’m still
fricking busy). Chance again refused to take a nap! Ergo, no nap for mom. (I am just really feeling the need for naps

So the moral of this story is if you’re an idiot and decide
to have multiple celebrations your kid will be feeling it (and making you pay)
for days.  You (meaning me) will also be
feeling it because you are old.  You’ll also
be coming out of your ears in cake. 

Next year, blowout bash. I can’t handle all this fucking merry making.  

 – the

*(And yeah, I had totally meant to do a post about Chance. To commemorate his coming into our lives, how big he’s grown, etc,
because I do love my baby. Maybe
tomorrow. After nap.)