I worry that I spend too much time in my own head. I’m one of those who thinks, reads, writes a lot, watches people, questions things; I have a lot of trouble turning off my brain (makes getting to sleep a bit hard). It’s not that I don’t talk to Chance, because I do. Especially when he is interacting back then I talk quite a bit – smiling, playing games together, encouraging him. I try to make it a point that when he’s in his most interactive moods to get down on the floor and play with him. Most of the parenting books say to talk to your baby, when you’re feeding him, changing him, going through the day, etc. But there are certain moments when I catch myself drifting off mid-sentence. I start thinking about something else while I’m talking to him and five minutes later realize I’ve been completely silent with my own thoughts. My only excuse is that usually these are times when he is not engaged with me either, i.e. I’m babbling to him as he eats and he’s staring intently out the window or playing with a toy. Sometimes he is just doing his own thing.
These conversations with my son are pretty one-sided right now and that may be part of the problem, the reason my mind wanders. Most people would tell you that I’m a very social person and I’m usually blathering along if I’m with a group (or even by myself, I often talk to complete strangers, much to their surprise, – I can’t seem to help it; I tend to view the world as a shared experience). I’m sure things will be different when Chance is talking more himself.
Still, it bothers me. Because I know the other part of the equation is that I just spend a lot of time in my head. I always have. And I don’t want to be one of those preoccupied parents, one who is so caught up in her own stuff/thoughts that she’s not paying as much attention as she should. I want to be present. And I want my kids to feel that I’m available, and that means my mental presence, too. So I am trying really hard to catch myself when I’m pondering too much (you know, quantum mechanics, the state of the union, shoes,) and for too long. To remind myself where I am and who’s around me. It’s another parenting goal to add to the long list. I worry, because I know myself well enough to know I will continue to get caught up in my thoughts at times (like when I’m doing any kind of writing); it’s an integral part of who I am. But I hope that being aware of the problem will alleviate enough of it that I can still do a good job by Chance.
– the weirdgirl
I wouldn’t worry about that at all. You seem like a very attentive mom and besides when kids get to be a teen, they won’t talk to you anyway.
I think not being able to focus is why so much mis-communication happens. Instead of listening to someone and focusing on what they’re saying, you instead focus on your OWN thoughts – and that’s how…um…hmmm.
Did you hear what Kanye West said about his place in history? Geez, what an idiot!
I bet you are great – it is way easier when they can talk – even if it’s just ONE word.
I am encouraged. The fact that you now notice that there may be a problems means to me that you will pay attention to how you interact as Chance grows up.
Fuzz, regarding teenagers. Get them a cell phone and send them a text message. I get almost instant replies and they love communicating that way.
I have the same problem and knowing it doesnt help (for me anyway). I often forget that my kids dont know as much about a subject as I might because I do live in my head so much.
The only solution I have ever found is to watch tv with my son. I have absolutly zip problem talking to the Tv (its a family thing) so shows we watch together become a starting point for talking about a lot of things.
Plus, even if you forget for a while, there’s nothing humans like better than talking about themselves to people who are truly interested in listening.
Actually, those moments when you’ve stopped talking are good. Chance will one day surprise you by chiming in to finish the thought you had started to articulate. Your silence will give him time to formulate his response. It’s all good!
I think I’m a pretty good listener and I’m very engaged when people are around (I’m a certifiable extrovert). I think it comes (besides that I spend too much time in my head already) from being home all day with cats that don’t speak, a baby who doesn’t talk, and though I love interacting with my blog buddies, the computer doesn’t talk either. You fall into habits of quiet. Habits I’m trying to break, at least a little. I just want to find that balance – a household that is neither all quiet or ALL LOUD (like the home I grew up in, which is why I use to escape into books all the time). And the most important goal is to keep the lines and habits of communication open.
Since it looks like Chance is trying hardest to get the attention of the running kitties (Who’s Baby’s Favorite), and doesn’t even need to say mmm to get your attention, seems like you’re just where you want to be.