Also accepted: How to scare the bejeebus out of your children with education.
Me, typing on the computer and peering at the Science Fair Handbook (capital letters, please): "So are you sure you want to do the science fair?"
Me: "Remember, they're not letting anyone do volcanoes this year." (Volcanoes… THE reason to do science fairs.)
Chance, swishing saliva around his mouth: "Yes, I want to do it."
Me, more typing and peering: "OK, so let's look at some project ideas."
Chance: swish swish swish gurgle gurgle gurgle
Me: "We could do something with plants? Or how about magnets?"
Chance: "Mmmm." swish swish gurgle
Me: "Well let me look up this other site and see…"
Chance, leaning over, then sitting up. Swishing has ceased.
Me: "Did you just SPIT on the carpet?!?"
Chance: "Uhhh…" Frantic cleaning follows.
Me, watching the frantic cleaning. "I know… why don't we do a science project about SPIT?" <sarcasm> <heavy>
Chance, grin splitting wide: "OK!!"
Obviously someone doesn't believe me about the germ factor. Prepare to have your mind blown, little dude. (I hope.) – wg