ME: What’s with American media and ducks?
ME: They all have speech impediments.
ME: Donald has a speech impediment. Daffy has a speech impediment. Do you think there’s a reason our culture has a deep-seated hatred of fowl?
KEEN: I think you’re reading a little too much into cartoons again.
ME: Hey, you never know, maybe some early president was attacked by a bird or something. Maybe there’s an unconscious prejudice coloring the entertainment industry.
ME: Oh, there’s a new kid show on called Wonder Pets. You know, the one I had on the other day?
KEEN: Oh, yeah, yeah. With the celery.
ME: Um… O-Kay. Anyway, the little baby duck ALSO has a speech impediment. Ming Ming can’t say his Rs. At least, I think he’s a boy. Anyway, he always says, ‘This is sewious!’… [pause] …It’s really frickin’ cute, actually.
ME: So, do we just automatically make all ducks sound funny?
KEEN: I don’t know, babe.
ME: Can you think of any other ducks with speech problems?
ME: There’s Howard the Duck. You know that movie? He was just scary.
KEEN: There’s the Aflac duck.
ME: Oh, good one! Yeah, I think he definitely has Tourettes. Who else?
ME: Who’s that?
KEEN: It’s not a who, it’s a song. A disco song. You know, Disco Duck.
ME: It is? I’ve… never heard of Disco Duck.
KEEN: You’ve never heard the song Disco Duck?!
KEEN: How could you not have heard Disco Duck?
ME: Well, you know, because of my mom… disco was banned from our house.
KEEN: Really?! But you’re mom’s a musician…
ME: So? She still hates disco. Why do you think I didn’t know any of the songs when disco came back?
At this point the conversation went downhill until we started singing Macho Man. So help a girl out… any other speech impeded ducks out there?
– the weirdgirl