I have some questions I’d like to turn over to the general public of parents out there. I’m hoping you all can lend some experience, wisdom, insight, stories or even shared rumors. This is a quest, you see. I am perfectly happy to throw my hands in the air and proclaim, shit, I don’t know what I’m doing, please help me. (And as the parenting books tend to err on the side of lots of caution, sometimes they just aren’t helpful.)
First question… or really, situation. In my parenting book it mentions that right around 12 months of age, give or take, “your child may start refusing food to see your reaction”. OK, well. It seems we’ve speeded up that process by giving our child amoxicillin. Chance sees the feeder spoon all filled up with pink goo, gets an evasive look in his eye and immediately dons the “clam mouth” (that’s the jaw and lips clamped shut expression). My parenting book also says that at his age, 8-12 months, he still has a “short memory”. Yeah, right. This kid knows what the medicine looks like and then he’ll hold onto his grudge for a good while after, sometimes even refusing his bottle – apparently on principle. I really hate to treat my child like the cat and pressure open his little jaw by squeezing his cheeks, but sometimes you just do what you gotta do. Plus, the guilt trips he’s giving out are surprisingly effective. So, any advice out there to make this process easier?
Second question. Our son already has a security blanket. He really loves it and he will comfort himself to sleep if he’s got it with him. So… when is it OK to let your child sleep with a blanket/security object? Now, don’t despise me… I’m not letting him sleep with it yet. (Well, except for his day naps, because I’m awake and there to check on him.) He’s currently 9 ½ months. He has not once buried his face in it to a degree where I thought he was restricting his air flow; he just likes to hold onto it and make little sucking faces towards its general direction. (It’s so cute! But SIDS still freaks me out.)
What do you all think? – the weirdgirl
P.S. I actually wanted to post these questions last night, but I was having the WORST Internet problems! What’s up with that?
P.P.S. I’m also looking for a good developmental milestone book for kids; any recommendations? One with good behavioral advice?
Have you tried a suringe? That’s the only thing that has ever worked for my daughter. As for Sids, my daughter is 4 and I still worry about that :)Just comes with being a mommy…
I second the syringe methond, it’s the quickest/easiest. I’d just blow a little air into the face, enought to get him to open his mouth, then pop the syringe in, and aim for the back, corner pocket.
Also, my youngest has a security blanket, and she’s been sleeping with it since birth (she’s not 7.5 months). She likes to cram it in her mouth and suck on it. I check on her frequently — or rather, she wakes up frequently — but I feel safe with the set up.
Apologies. I am using a syringe. It’s just the pharmacist called it a “feeder spoon” so I did too.
This won’t help you yet, but I use bribery. Our daughter loves chocolate, and she knows she’ll get a Hershey Kiss if she takes her medicine. But I’m a bad Dad, so you probably shouldn’t try this method.
I can’t add anything in regards to the security blanket as my daughter has never become attached to an object. Which scares me.
And throw all the developmental books away! They just cause you to freak out if your child isn’t doing x by y time.
I pick up all my drugs at Long’s and they advertise flavors for the kiddie meds. Since I just have the cat, I just mix it with tuna and he can’t get enough. Think a mixer might mask the taste?
1)They make those pacifier things that hold medicine. That’s one alternative. The other is to put the medicine with a highly flavored juice drink in a bottle. The pink goo would go well with kool-aid or something like that.
2)Security blankets…this is a tough issue, and a controversial one. Did Chance latch onto the blanket completely on his own? Or did you give him the blanket to comfort him in the first place?
The problem with security blankets is that it makes the child dependent on this external object for comfort. If a kid uses his thumb, that’s one thing. Unless he has a freak accident, he will always have his thumb.
I would try to wean Chance off the blanket now, while it’s easy. You get a kid hooked on a blanket, you will regret it later…imagine your 18 month dragging a nasty, dirty, frayed blanket everywhere…imagine forgetting or misplacing the blanket and your boy screaming at the top of his lungs for it.
I would think you’d want to try to have Chance learn to soothe himself to sleep. The best thing is to make dependent on himself in that matter.
Many parents encourage the “blankie” or “wubbie” because they think it’s cute. It’s cute now…but it’s not so cute in another 6-12 months. Or even longer – just the other day I saw a 3 year old with a blankie.
My advice as a parent and ex-teacher – try to lose the security blanket altogether.
Oh, P.S. don’t mix medicine with tuna…and don’t EVER take advice from people who don’t have children.
Thanks everyone for your thoughts!!
Chag, I have no problem with bribery! I was potty trained via M&M treats.
This medicine was supposed to be already flavored but I wouldn’t mind trying some more. Someone else mentioned the “orange sherbert” flavors go down a little better, as compared to cherry (or tuna). 🙂
(And Jade, you can give me advice any time – even if you only have Chester the cat.)
Phoenix, I will keep your comments on security blankets in mind. Though he did choose it on his own – much to my surprise; I didn’t think kids developed security items until later. Right now, it’s not something he drags around with him, he just likes to hold onto it when he’s being cuddled. I’ve just been debating letting him have it at night. Sometimes, in the early morning, my husband hands it to him when the kid wakes up and he goes right back to sleep. Go figure.
I have no kids, so you probably shouldn’t listen to me but….a lot of the people writing these blogs were parented the “old way”, security blankets, pacifiers, spankings, etc. and everyone seems to have turned out respectable enough to seek advise from so, I’m thinking those things I mentioned will surely not ruin you. It’s just a blanket, if the kid wants to start sleeping with a sex toy or the latest issue of playboy…then you should worry.
1. Syringe is a great thing. For a child who really, really struggles and ends up with sticky meds all down the outside instead of the inside, I do this:
Kneel on the floor.
Lay the child on his/her back.
Place child’s head between your knees.
Hold their wrists together with one hand.
Squirt the stuff into the mouth, which will, after all this, almost certainly be wide open…
Two or three smaller squirts is the best way to ensure it all gets swallowed.
Big hugs, a snuggle, and a story.
2.) Comfort objects are fine. In fact, there are many experts out there who say attachment to a comfort object is a sign of emotional health. So there…
In my experience, I’d say 60 – 70% of children have comfort object, and keep it till they’re four to six years, at least in the house. And the worry about grotty blankies? Have two or more identical, which is best when the comfort object is a toy, or, as a friend of mine did, cut the blankie into quarters!
At nine months, there’s no worry about sleeping with a blanket. He can roll over, he can sit up. He’s not going to suffocate in a blanket.
3.) My favourite child development expert (and I’ve read tons) is Burton White. Very down-to-earth, obviously very fond of kids. I don’t agree with him on every single point, but he’s one of the best I’ve seen for the first three years.
(Chag is right: these books can be more harm than help if you find yourself getting all anxious because your child isn’t doing x by this date. There is a HUGE variation of “normal”, generally quite a bit broader than the averages given in books, so don’t sweat it!)
Oops. To clarify: 60%have comfort object at a year or so, with that number gradually fading until by 4 to 6 years old most are gone.
Having said that, I know many teens (children of friends, friends of my children) who have their childhood comfort object in a place of honour in their rooms. Is there anything wrong with that? I don’t think so.
Now I’m laughing because Mary already gave you my comments! Gentle force shows that some issues are simply non-negotiable. Tod-lar has a Moose that he’s been attached to since he was 4 months old. Attachments are FINE, and 9 1/2 months is old enough for you not to have to worry about SIDS.
Heidi, Mary & MIM,
Thanks for your thoughts! This is all very helpful. I don’t really have a problem with security items in general… I just think (to Phoenix’s point) that if you don’t want your child dragging ratty items everywhere then you need to set up “rules” for the child’s item, such as only in the house. I had a stuffed dog I loved but I didn’t take him everywhere with me, it was just for bedtime and in the house. When we saw how attached Chance was getting to his blanket Keen ran out and bought a couple back-ups for later. I REALLY appreciate hearing from other parents that have been through this that 9 months is OK for blankets! Because I have a sneaking suspicion that if I ask my pediatrician she’ll tell me to wait just to be on the safe side.
Mary – it’s funny… I have a similar technique I employ with the cats when they need THEIR medicine. (Actually, a lot of behavioral techniques with the cats seem to translate well to small children. And co-workers. It’s all in the tone of voice.)
And thanks for the tips on books! No worries, I take everything I read with a grain of salt. One of my biggest pet peeves while I was pregnant was reading articles that began with, “The benefits of blah blah blah are well-known…” without listing any supporting data or documentation. It’s the equivalent of hearsay. Drives me nuts!
Don’t worry about the security blanket thing. Both my boys had those briefly.
It evolves. Now at ages 20 and 17 they can’t go to sleep without a computer within inches of their beds! (That is, if they ever get off of the computer and actually go to bed.)
So you may not even read this as the original post is a few days old. But on the medicine front — I had actually stopped giving meds to a few of my kids (I have 5) because the wrestling match was so intense I actually feared breaking an arm or worse (in these instances I was using the technique mentioned of holding the kid’s head between your knees etc). I have found that the best method is to start ’em early. My son, who had to have zantac starting at one month old, has always been my best medicine-taker (and best eater too). After Zantac anything tastes good. Since your past that stage, I now use a two-person approach. One to craddle the kid and hold their hands, the other to put the medicine in one drop at a time using a syringe aimed for the back corner of the mouth, not directly down the back of the throat unless you enjoy vomit. It can take 5 minutes to get the whole syringe down ’em, but you will get most of it down ’em.
As for the security blanket, I’m all for it. If it helps them sleep I’m for it. As for the SIDS risk, I was told/heard/read at some point that once baby can roll over both directions the risk declines. So assuming your little one is to that point, try not to fret too much. That being said, my oldest did actually take his blanket to Pre-K where it would stay in his bag until rest time, and then he’d take it out just like half the class was getting some sort of comfort item. All of my kids have security blanket. When they get to be about 3 I make them leave it in their bed, but until then those blankets get dragged everywhere. My advice — GET A SECOND IDENTICAL BLANKET (and a third might even be helpful). Rotate them regularly so that they are each equally acceptable, otherwise washing the balnket will turn into a meltdown.
never commented here before, but have some experience with the medicine thing after countless ear infections. Even when I put the medicine down my daughter’s throat, she’d hold some of it in her mouth and spit it out when she started to sit up. So I started letting up a little bit at a time, instead of just releasing her, so she would slowly try to sit up. She would have to swallow to use those muscles to sit up. It saved a lot of medicine from being spit out
Thanks for all the advice! Especially to those who haven’t commented before. It was very helpful. I’ve been using a combo of the on-the-floor method and one where I put him in his Exersaucer. It seems that if he’s distracted by Sesame Street he takes the medicine better AND he forgets to spit/let it dribble out the side of his mouth! Yay!
And just an update, I’ve let him have his blanket in bed for the last three nights; not only has he been fine but he’s also put himself back to sleep everytime he woke up. Another yay!
Sorry to tune in so late but I’ve really had a shit month and not really been reading too many blogs.
First medicine. We don’t have so much experience in this area because Daniel has rarely been sick. Thank God for that. But he has needed medicine a couple of times, most recently two different oral medications in the past couple of weeks due to a nasty cough/infection. Three times a day he had to take two different medications. I’m strongly against the forcing method. I don’t think anything good comes out of that. We tried it once and absolutely hated it. Not only is it hard on the child but I feel absolutely horrible after forcing stuff down the throat of my son. That’s not the relationship I want with my son. This time I took a different aproach. I talked to our son about it and had him sitting in my lap with the medicine in front of us. I explained how it would make him better and suggested we give it a try. He didn’t want to do it and instead wanted me to take the medicine. I made a deal. I told him I try it first and then he takes it. No problems what so ever. He saw me try it and from that point he literally throws himself at me when it’s time for medication. He even asks for more when we are finished. Wife was mighty impressed by my “horse whisperer approach” but in reality this is how we approach all difficult tasks. We talk to our son about it instead of just forcing him to do it without knowing why. It sometimes takes a bit longer but I feel like I’m building up a lot of trust with my son and that this strategy is something that he will remember his whole life.
About the security item. Over here it’s seen as positive that the child has a blanket or a stuffed dog. Of course it helps if the kid is not dependant on this 24 hours a day. And of course no dangerous objects an an early age! Daniel has a blanket that he started getting attached to by himself at around 10 months old. After a while he wanted it when he slept, napped, early in the mornings, and when he hurt himself. We had absolutely no problem with this and it has in fact helped a lot. I have been very concerned about SIDS from day one but I felt like there was no danger for him to use a thin blanket since he could turn, flip, and almost walk. He’s now 22 months old and still likes his blanket but much less. He sleeps/naps with it and occasionally wants it when he’s very tired or has hurt himself. We never felt like it was a problem to bring the blanket even though it gets a bit dirty at times. It was a big help in the beginning at kindergarten when everything was new and he needed something familiar to hold on to. Gradually he let it go and after a while he barely looked at it. I would suggest splitting the blanket in two parts in case you would lose it. That can be very difficult…… I would also recommend putting away the blanket when he’s not really aware of it. If he’s playing with something and not missing the blanket, just put it away and he won’t miss it. That way he will slowly stop using it. That’s what the staff at our kindergarten did and it worked incredibly well. But a familiar object is always nice for your child in difficult circumstances. Like when taking him to the doctor, accidents, flying, new environments, etc. He will let go of the blanket later but I feel it’s completely unimportant if that’s at age 10 months or 3 years.
Good luck and sorry about the long post.
AD
I have to take four medications for my mental illness. The only one that must be taken with food is Anafranil (it’ll burn my stomach severely, otherwise). So years ago, I had to start taking each dose after a meal (these are capsules). But it still burned my stomach. My parents have to give their dog pills for common dog ailments, and he will not take the pills by themselves. So my mom hides each dose in a can of dog food. And of course it works– the dog doesn’t know it’s there. Well, I got that idea, for taking my Anafranil. Simply put, I don’t take each dose with food, but in it. I chew up a mouthful of food, then insert the capsules into my mouth before swallowing the mouthful. And it works! No stomach trouble, and the medicine is just as effective. Incidentally, I do this same thing whenever I have to take amoxicillin, or any other antibiotic. So this advice is very late, but hide each dose in a spoonful of baby food, and hand-feed it to him!