Step 1: get paper
Wrassle unroll wrassle wrassle. Crumple. "Damnit!"  wrassle wrassle

Step 2: get scissors
Cut cut… rip. "DAMN it!"  Cut cut cut. Slap piece of tape over tear.

Step 3: fold and tape
Wrassle wrassle. Hold paper in place. Tear off tape. Crumple tape. Tear off another piece of tape.  Tape. Wrassle  "Hold still damn you!"  wrassle.  Fold paper.  Fold again. Wow, this is taking a long time.  More tape.  And more tape.  Almost done!  Flip package over… too enthusiastic… aaaaand poke hole through gift wrap.  "FUCK!" 

Step 4: Start over

Repeat steps 1 – 3

Poke hole in paper again.  Fume.

Step 5: Give gift to spouse to wrap.  Of which gift will soon after appear suddenly and seemingly effortlessly wrapped.  And it will look nice.  Because there is always one of those people in every relationship.

(Oh wait, that person is me.  HA Keen!)          

                – your loving wife, the weirdgirl