Recently, every time Chance has a playdate over there has been a major meltdown when it’s time for his friend to go home. I mean, there have always been some tears (what can I say? he’s a social kid) but nothing like the water works leaking lately. I figured it was because he was out of school for summer and missing it. Who knew the murky and convoluted depths of the four-year-old mind.

“Hey Chance, it’s time for Atticus to go home. Give him a hug and say goodbye.”

“What?! Noooooo!” Sobs ensue. “But I want to kee-eeep him!”

“Sorry, kiddo. It’s time for him to go.”

“Mom, I want to keep my friend!”

“Honey, he’ll still be your friend, and you’ll have another playdate soon.”

“But mom, I don’t want him to go. I want to keep him!” Crocodile tears wash the floorboards.

Ding! (that’s my lightbulb)

“Wait… you mean you want him to stay here? All the time? And sleep and eat here?”


“Honey, no. We don’t keep our friends as pets.”  Hmmm, I’d love to keep Johnny Depp, though.

“But why?”

“Because our friends are not pets. They’re people.”  I could make him a nice place in my closet. Have all his outfits for him.

“But I want to keep my friend!”

“Chance, how would you feel if you went to a friend’s house and they wanted to keep you?”  Harrison Ford, too. He’s getting up in years, but he’d be great for laps.

“Yeah, but…”

“And you could never come back to your own toys, or room, or bed? Would you like that?”  Harry and Johnny would be so spoiled they’d be happy.

“No.” sniffles

“Well, that’s why we don’t keep friends as pets.”  Ooh, another one? Josh Gates from Destination Truth.
 “If someone tried to keep me I’d spank them!!”

“Uh, okay.”  Mmm, spanking.


“Yeah, Chance?”

“Can we go get a real pet, then? Or a baby brother?”

Sure. Next time I go to Costco.

Who would you keep?

                – the weirdgirl