Here's the story… last winter I ate a lot of carbs. I also sat around, a lot. And, as often happens in these cases, I gained weight. Not a ton of weight, not enough to be very noticeable, but enough weight that my clothes were not fitting! This was clearly unacceptable. Not so much because of the few extra pounds (before you start wagging your finger at me, sighing heavily, and saying, "This can only be expected. You're getting older you know"), but because I didn't want to go out and buy new clothes.
So with Spring I started counting my calories and working out. I felt out of shape and lethargic so I knew it was time to get up off my butt. Plus, I figured it was way cheaper to get healthy than to go buy the next size up. Actually, I got all pissy and stubborn about it. "Oh, I'm beating this bitch! I am NOT buying new clothes!" You know, except for the sports bras, and some new shoes "for training", and some sweats, and, um, a cute top or – ahem – two.
Anyway. In two and a half months' time… working through those beginning workouts until I didn't feel like I was dying, reducing calories until my stomach shrunk enough so I didn't feel like I was starving, cutting out my precious cookies and baked goods until I didn't crave them anymore… guess how much weight I lost?!
Not one fucking pound!
Not one! In two and half months! However, I was starting to look pretty toned, and my stamina and energy were up. I figured I must be replacing some fat weight with muscle weight. Right? (Right?! Just lie to me, damnit.) So I decided if the weight wasn't going to move I would just get really toned and look fabulous as I kicked and screamed gracefully into middle age. (Because I'm still pretending that I haven't already been middle-aged for quite some time.) I continued watching my calories, I bought an exercise book, and proceeded to target my (big surprise) abs for this transformation.
And it threw my back out. Every stupid stomach exercise also targets your core, but my back is already really strong so it gets all jacked up if I work it wrong. I know that sounds like total bullshit but it's this thing where I have dense muscles in certain places (i.e. big butt) that then wrench other muscles and my vertebrae out of alignment and then those same damn muscles lock in around the jacked up place so it can't relax. It sucks. And several masseuses/therapists told me that's what's happening so really, it's not wishful thinking about my superhero strong back.
Anyway, at this point I'm about three months into my "diet" (the quotes are because it only counts as a diet if you actually lose weight) and I pretty much gave up. I still work out on my elliptical or do calisthenics (which don't hurt my back or joints) and I still count calories. It being summer, I'm hip deep in fruit and jamming like a crazy woman. I loosened up on my eating and I started making goodies again with the extra fruit. For example, some nights I would just have a big old piece of cobbler for dinner. I mean, BIG. The next day I would have toast with jam for two meals in a row. Then we'd go out for dinner and I'd order pie for dessert. (Note: not as good as mine.) I also found an awesome cheese that just went so nicely with fresh plums!
And guess the fuck what? Now, after I already broke down and bought shorts that fit, in the last week and half I've lost fucking weight!
On cobbler! That is just crazy. – wg