A phone conversation (this phone call may be recorded for
quality control purposes)

*Unnamed Older Relative: Well, Keen told me that Chance/you had a cold but he didn’t tell me that you were sick!

Me: Ummm, yeah,
fever, mucus, fatigue, racking cough… those aren’t the same at all.

UOR: Why is Chance (you, Keen, insert name
of associate here) getting so many colds?

Me: Well, it might just be due to my horrendous diet and
slovenly housekeeping, but I’m pretty
it’s because of the germ warfare capsules I keep releasing into the
house.  The government should be coming
for those study results any day now.

UOR: Are you sure it’s not allergies?

Me: Yes, the raging
fevers have killed all the allergens, thanks.  Besides I don’t think they could make it past
the snot encrusted nose and swollen throat anyway.

UOR: Well, I hope
Chance outgrows this before he starts school.

Me: I’ll be sure to
tell the viruses to stop mutating. We’re
tight like that.

*The monitors of this study realize that UORs and other
elderly acquaintances speak solely from a desire to see young toddlers within
their normal and strictly held schedule and the thwarting of such desires may
occasionally cause temporary inanity, but still… get off the phone. Mommy needs her Nyquil.