A phone conversation (this phone call may be recorded for
quality control purposes)
*Unnamed Older Relative: Well, Keen told me that Chance/you had a cold but he didn’t tell me that you were sick!
Me: Ummm, yeah,
fever, mucus, fatigue, racking cough… those aren’t the same at all.
UOR: Why is Chance (you, Keen, insert name
of associate here) getting so many colds?
Me: Well, it might just be due to my horrendous diet and
slovenly housekeeping, but I’m pretty
sure it’s because of the germ warfare capsules I keep releasing into the
house. The government should be coming
for those study results any day now.
UOR: Are you sure it’s not allergies?
Me: Yes, the raging
fevers have killed all the allergens, thanks. Besides I don’t think they could make it past
the snot encrusted nose and swollen throat anyway.
UOR: Well, I hope
Chance outgrows this before he starts school.
Me: I’ll be sure to
tell the viruses to stop mutating. We’re
tight like that.
*The monitors of this study realize that UORs and other
elderly acquaintances speak solely from a desire to see young toddlers within
their normal and strictly held schedule and the thwarting of such desires may
occasionally cause temporary inanity, but still… get off the phone. Mommy needs her Nyquil.
I love how to hear UOR theories of disease … my favorite is a certain UOR of mine that thinks you should take Tylenol as a preventative to ward off an already exposed infection. Such as: Your child caught the stomach bug – then you should take Tylenol so that they don’t pass it on to you. Note – this isn’t “Take Tylenol so the aches and pains of the bug will be less” – this is take Tylenol once exposed to the bug, but before you show symptoms, and this will prevent you from coming down with the bug. Any discussion about the germ theory of disease, viruses, etc., falls on completely deaf ears.
Do you think I should tell the folks at Tylenol about the anti-bacterial and anti-viral properties of Tylenol that they’ve been missing all these years!?
Hope y’all feel better soon … sick is no fun!
That conversation sounds eerily familiar. I wonder if it’s just a universal conversation that all young mothers must have with older relatives?
I hope everyone in your house feels better soon! (and all at the same time!)
This is a the same kind of person that believes you catch a “cold” from being in the cold.
Man, if that worked with Tylenol I would be popping them ALL WINTER! And yeah, I think all parents have to go through this.
I also have a UOR who puts “The” (capital T) in front of all his illnesses. As in, “Oh yeah, I had The Ulcer, you know The Ulcer in The Stomach? But I don’t think I got The Ulcer, I think the doctor is just trying to make money.”
Gotta love those crazy UORs! (God, I hope I don’t turn into one.)
We have a whole viral round-robin going on round our headquarters, which seems to me to be par for the course for a household with a) children, in b) flu and cold season. But that doesn’t stop some people (*cough* MIL *cough*) from continually asking why we’re always sick.
I so know who you were talking to! LOL