Following the fine example of so many bloggers’ inspired and
unique gift guides, I thought I’d follow up with a guide on my own. Except, you know, without the unique gifts. I’m a mall rat, after all. But not at this time of year, ‘cause that’s
just crazy; too many damn crowds. So I
guess I’m a catalog and online rat.  Or
whatever. For the holidays, I mean, not
the rest of the year. ANYWAY, I present
to you…

The Weirdgirl’s 2006 Gift Wrapping Guide! (ooh… ah…)

First, The Wrong Way

Pull out all the wrapping paper, including the wrinkled
stuff you saved from last year because “you might use it”
Get scissors and cool tape dispenser thingy that spits out
precut tape pieces
Grab first gift
Realize you can’t wrap on the floor because your child is
destroying tissue paper (also crumpled, also from last year in case “you might
use it”)
(Make mental note to clear table first next year)
Awkwardly wrap paper roll around gift before cutting while
holding beyond child’s reach
Odd shaped side prevents accurate measurement
Cut paper anyway
Accidentally crumple paper trying to bend around odd side
Realize you really need a box for it
Realize you are out of boxes
Grab second (square) gift
Cut paper to size
Fiddle with tape dispenser thingy
Wrestle with tape dispenser
Pull out tape jam
Drop piece of tape in the middle of wrapping paper
Try to pull off tape, tear paper
Casually blend piece of tape into paper, camouflaging it
from view (except for that small bump, which is really too small to notice)
Start over, finally
get gift wrapped
Look for bows or ribbon
Trudge out to the garage (in the rain) to get bows/ribbons
Most are crumpled
Slap stick-on, not too crumpled bow on gift
Cats discover bag of ribbons, go nuts
While yelling at cats, notice several pieces of tape in
child’s hair
Spend remaining time removing tape from hair

The Right Way

Go to CostCo
Buy lovely nested gift boxes in holiday themes
Buy spools of fabric ribbon sold right next to gift boxes
Put child to bed before attempting to wrap gifts
Wrap all gifts by tossing into appropriately sized gift box
Tie ribbon around box (no need for tape!)
Arrange all under the tree
Admire the plethora of beautifully wrapped presents
Take undue well-deserved credit 

Oh, wait… labels…