I heart the Internet. The crazy entertainment/education/inspiration value is
unbelievable. So two things I seem to be
researching a lot lately are resources for my son and research on fertility.  Well, I stumble across a site listing “herbal
contraceptives” and, even though this is the opposite of what I’m trying to
achieve, I check it out just in case there’s some supplement somewhere
somehow I’m not supposed to be scarfing down.

Scanning through the list I was confidant early… “Wild Yam…
nope! I buy mine at the store… Smartweed Seeds, no… Neem Oil… what the heck
is Neem Oil?… Apricot Kernels… who in god’s name would eat apricot kernels?”
and so on.

Then I hit Vitamin C.

Holy crap! I’m not
supposed to be taking Vitamin C?! That
wasn’t in any of the baby books! WTF?!

Digging deeper (you know, after I could breathe again) it
turns out that, yes, there are two ways you can use Vitamin C to prevent conception. The first method recommended placing two
vitamin C tablets up your hoo-hoo, either before intercourse or as an emergency
measure after a condom breaks.  The idea
is you raise the acidity level of your vag so that the sperm can’t

The second method involves eating large amounts of vitamin C
because the ascorbic acid can interfere with progesterone production (which,
you know, pregnancy needs). This one
freaked me out because, yes, I do take vitamin C! Fricking winter just ended! Colds are everywhere!

So… you know how most vitamin C chewables (I like chewables)
are usually 500 mg? The recommended
dosage for the internal contraceptive method is anywhere between 6 to 15 grams. That’s 6000 to 15000 mg!  (Yeah, I
had to look up the math. What?)

This is the part that killed me… for both of these methods
side effects listed included “irritation”. Ya think?! I mean, I took too
many cranberry pills for a bladder infection once and gave myself stomach
cramps… I can’t imagine taking 6-15 grams of vitamin C.  And nothing screams sexy like canoodling in an
acid bath!

Now I might be a bit biased (not being into the hippie,
uber-naturalist scene (OR that desperately horny)) but if I needed some birth
control and it came down to

a condom (reduced sensitivity) VS. ascorbic acid
(burning vagina)

I think I’m sticking with condoms.

But that’s just me.

      – the weirdgirl

*No horny hippies were harmed during this research.