I woke up with a stomach full of dread yesterday morning and it was there most of the day. It seems every time I turn on the computer or read the news it’s all about horrible things that you hope will never happen. I won’t even make links here but those who have followed the stories of Thalon and Maddie will know what I’m talking about, and anyone local has probably been following Sandra Cantu’s story as well; which is becoming more horrifying with each news release.
There are days you wonder if all this communication is a good thing. I would never ever deny the massive support that the Internet affords to parents and families who need it. The charities it helps and the awareness it brings. I think that is an unexpected and blessed byproduct of the digital age. But when you also see grief and depression building, feeding upon a cycle of blogs and twitter, when you feel like a heel for saying something funny two seconds before you heard the latest news, when the guilt and horror become debilitating – as I’ve seen over the last week – it gets to be all too much.
And what’s more… sometimes I feel like I’m intruding. Intruding, undeserved, upon others’ grief. We are always bystanders when the tragedy is not our own, but with these outlets of instant shared communication we are witness to personal tragedy more than ever. No matter how much our hearts go out to those the tragedy has struck, I have to wonder if our presence is unwelcome.
Chance is home sick with me; has been sick most of the weekend. But he’s here with me, right? I had a hard time pulling away from the computer yesterday (doubly so, since I work online). When I felt like I was going crazy I went outside in the sun and pulled up weeds until my back hurt. That actually made me feel a little better. Sometimes you have to say, this is where I am right now, in this patch of sun. I am doing this small thing, in this small moment. Ground yourself.
And then just turn the computer off for a little while. -wg
It’s like for everything. Remember when kids used to leave the house in the morning and then not come back until dark? The bad things aren’t multiplying, but our awareness has skyrocketed.
And then I have to chuckle ironically when scientists say that twitter is breeding “uncaring” and that it could harm our sensitivity. Excuse me? Wot? Do these people actually use twitter?
I agree.
Amen.
I was talking about this just the other day. I didn’t read the blogs of either Thalon or Maddie’s parents, but I heard about both of them anyway. And it’s just wretched, of course, sad and horrible, but this week in particular I can’t take any more bad news.
I’ve been walking away from the computer a lot lately. I’m trying to spend more time living my life instead of compulsively blogging / tweeting about it.
JChevais – Yeah, I agree, I don’t think the bad stuff is increasing I think we’re just inundated by information. And I think we’re more aware and empathic now than any other time in history. Though you do hear people complain that rudeness is on the rise. Maybe it’s a knee-jerk defense mechanism? We’ve become so geared to caring deeply for what we see on TV or the Internet that when faced with real life people (who look fine) maybe we’re being rude without realizing it? I mean, there’s only so much we can take.
iVegasDad – *fist bump*
Hannah – I’m with you. And honestly, I don’t know how people manage to juggle it all. I see my blog hits going down the less time I spend on the web but I want to spend time with my family more than I want to build up my stats. And when you’re already dealing with family crises, you don’t need more bad news on top of it.
Yes, yes and yes. It’s overwhelming. And the urge to want to help and assuage and somehow soothe away the indescribable is so strong… and then suddenly, you feel like you’re intruding someplace you have no business being.
It’s just a dozen kinds of awkward, and awful.
And you just want to step away, and stop feeling choked by grief for a minute. Then even that makes you feel guilty – for having the freedom to do that.
Bad times.
There’s just too much sadness in the world.
TwoBusy – It’s such a hard dilemma. It’s a constant battle between that empathy and a sense of emotional self-preservation.
Musing – That’s why sometimes I just have to focus on the good. And push through.
I can relate to that. In this time, when we are deluged with instant news of tragedies worldwide, it can definitely be overwhelming. When I pray for someone, somewhere, or a whole group of people–I often find myself praying for one, then another then another, then another…until I realize I can’t pray for everyone. So I stop, and just leave everything in the Creator’s hands. After all, only the Creator can be everywhere at once.